A few weeks ago I was in Fort Worth for a summer internship at Texas College of Medicine (TCOM) as a part of the Joint Admission Medical Program (JAMP). And towards the end, a group of friends and I headed to an indoor trampoline park called Flight Deck. Everything was all good and dandy as we jumped around and pretended to be beast basketball dunkers. But then we reached the foam pit and everyone started trying to do front and back flips. Eventually, almost everyone was able to do it but me and another friend. Even with several friends coaching and encouraging me, I just couldn’t do it. I would look at the pit and be so confused on why I couldn’t just try. I have gone sky diving where I jumped out of a plane, have jumped of a 25-foot totem pole, but was too “scared” to jump into a pit of foam. What kind of logic was that?
This past Sunday a guest pastor from our Chicago site, Pastor Josh, gave a sermon titled “Growing Up in Your Salvation”. He asked us to really reflect on our relationship with Christ to answer a few questions some of which included, (1) are we experiencing transformation? (2) are we desiring God as much as we desire the air that we breathe? and lastly (3) how would we describe our current relationship with God?
And as I stood in that moment with the worship band playing beautifully in the background, I thought back to a few weeks ago. My relationship with God at the moment can be illustrated by the scene at the trampoline park. I’m jumping up and down on that trampoline, building up the momentum to attempt the flip but just as I am about ready to go I stop. I slow down, come to a halt, step back and say “I can’t do it”. God is like the foam pit in front of me, with His arms wide open ready to catch me, but I’m too afraid to take that step. Fear of whether I can actually “make that jump” hinders me from even going. Just how I am with God right now, not trusting whatever plan or whatever route He has for me whether it’s concerning academics or my relationships. I would rather walk away from the pit and go play somewhere else where I’m in control than to take that jump. But that only leads to another statement Pastor Josh made, “being filled with something lesser causes dislike of what is Greater”, which limits us from having any growth. That transformation that we’re desiring for can only be experienced if we decide to go deeper into Christ. I’m not exactly sure of the steps I need to take in order to built up the confidence, faith, and courage to take that step, but I know I won’t even get a chance at a front flip, unless I jump.
I started the year with my family, rather than being in tears I was filled with laughter. It was most definitely a busy month. Going to Colorado, playing in the snow, tricking my family into going to a Korean Baptist church, attending Anthology, experiencing and witnessing someone accept Christ, started VBlogging, enrolled into the Perspectives course, fasted for two weeks, recorded my fourth song “Come Home” and went to a Propaganda + Beautiful Eulogy concert.
It’s 4 AM and I can’t seem to find a piece of strength in me. This semester so far has stretched me so much and I don’t know if I can do this anymore. I’m laying here, tired out of my mind but the uneasiness is keeping me up. Tonight, I broke. It was just a single phone call but somehow it turned my mood upside down. I was doing okay dealing with the pressure of school and my convictions. Yet after that call, I suddenly felt like a slave to this world. For some reason it just hurt so much. I’m trying to follow obediently after You, but I am just so tired. Physically, emotionally, spiritually.
God, may I find comfort in You knowing that You’re bigger and stronger than any of this. You wear the Victor’s crown, ALWAYS.
Today is Father’s Day. Although there are very few happy memories I have with my dad, I am still extremely thankful for him every second of my life. He chose to have and raise me even though his living conditions were very poor. He traveled across the world to the U.S. so his family could have a better life. He made sacrifices so we wouldn’t have to. So yes, I’ll agree to disagree with him on many subjects but he’ll always be my dad and no matter how many arguments I will always love him. One of my favorite memories I have with him is when I was about 9 years old. We had an Nintendo and I would love to play the Dragon Ball Z game. Everyone else was busy so I went into the room and played alone. My dad came into the room and started playing with me. He let me win every round and at that time I thought I was so good. Hah my little naive mind. Well, to all the dads out there I just want to say, thank you.
It didn’t take long till the old routine came back into play. Those short visits home during the year were like little vacations, you know where everything is great and you’re just enjoying it, but of course paradise doesn’t last forever. The things I left behind for a year is now right back in my face, all the responsibilities, the fights, and the never ending list of errands to do. I’m either taking one of my grandpas or my grandmas to the doctor, solving issues for the house, making phone calls, settling problems, or baby sitting my parents. Today, I am sitting in my room with the familiar sound of those precious fights that I became so accustom to over the years. During its climax, when the violence kicks in that’s my cue to jump up and return to my position as referee. However, this time around I’m looking at everything from a different perspective. The same pattern of things are happening, but rather through my eyes I’m doing my best to see things from His viewpoint. Before leaving Austin, I received a letter from a very close brother of mine. I want to share a little bit of that here today, because those words have really helped me these past couple of weeks I have been home.
"…if you truly believe that God is sovereign and that He has a plan for you and your parents, and that your parents are in fact in His ‘book of life’, then the real battle is not between your testimony and their doubts and insults. The real battle is between God and Satan. Step back a little form your ‘mission’ (which is to be a witness to your parents/family) and see that every time you go home, it’s not against your parents that you are fighting against, but against the devil. And ultimately, if you have faith and believe that God truly does want your parents to be saved, it’s a guarantee victory…. God always wins every battle with Satan. And yours, and ours, strength comes from the fact that God is sovereign and that we have won the ultimate battle with Him"
Amen. Yes, it may be a little tiring each day and I may lose hope on other days but no matter what is happening I am comforted by the fact that He already won. It may be hard to see Him working when the efforts seem fruitless, but He is indeed here and doing more than I can imagine myself. But, I do ask for prayers. My parents are in desperate need of the Lord. May their hearts be soften and their eyes be open to be able to see and experience that love He has for them. And yes, we’re getting back to the swing of things as He continues to do what He does best which is love, support, and protect us.
Unfortunate events like this happens all the time. One of the trees in the alleyway snapped a few days ago and fell onto both ours and the neighbor’s fence. It wasn’t any small tree, it was at least a forty year old tree. Well, my father had quite a temper when the city came to give us a notice to remove the tree. He didn’t think it was fair to make us responsible when the tree wasn’t on our property. After a lot of ruckus, my father couldn’t deny taking responsibility anymore. It was part of city code, our house deed and the law. However, he continued to be irritated saying “it’s the law, but it isn’t fair”. He kept forcing my brother and I to do things to try to make it “fair” or to get it the way he wants. But our efforts failed. As we were doing the last few things we could to try to get the city to help us out, most definitely He was watching over us. We were trying to clean up the few pieces of wood we can with our small chainsaw then two men appeared. They were actually our neighbors on the other side of the alley. Rather than charging us or asking us for anything, they volunteered to come over to help us. A job that would have cost us at least $1,000, they offered to do it for free. All day we joined hands to get te job done. While they were sawing off the branches and parts of the tree, we carried everything to place against our fence line until the city comes for brush removal in a couple of months. While life may not always be fair, I believe and trust that God is there helping us. I hope my dad sees it too. It wasn’t a coincidence that our neighbors are skilled in landscaping and trees. A team of a total of six people, we removed the tree that snapped and the tree next to it in order to prevent future damages. God’s grace was most definitely here today. Praise the Lord!
Sidenote: Today, I had plans to go to Austin to play some flag football with Texas Epic. But as you can see that did not happen. Instead, I woke up at 7AM to take my grandma to a doctor appointment that took over three hours and right afterwards came home to do a ton of manual labor. I must say I got in my arm workout for the day alright. Point is, sometimes you’re going to have to make sacrifices and your plans may not always go as you wish. I thank God for my growth this past year allowing me to be able to see life through more of His eyes than my own.
He is always working through every aspect of our lives. Don’t ever doubt it. God is truly good.
Cancer. A six letter word that has stoled so many precious people out of our lives. I came upon this song a few days ago when I heard it on The Voice. While listening to the lyrics, the sole thing I thought about was my aunt. She passed away in 2005 from Breast cancer when I was about ten years old. I don’t have many regrets, but most definitely one of my greatest regrets is not being there for her to get her through it. Before her diagnosis, I was very mean to her. I mean as a child I didn’t know any better. My aunt didn’t know much English and after a prior incident in her life she has always been quiet. I used to make fun of her and tricked her into doing things. After her diagnosis, I knew better to not be mean to her but my priorities were all out of order. At the time, I was currently in a “Star Wars” remake youth film with some students from my elementary. Instead of visiting my aunt over the weekends, I spent consecutive weekends filming. The weekend I finally decided to go visit her, we received the phone call that morning. That June, she was gone. My memories of her has slowly faded away through the years and now I can only remember the bad things I did to her and her cooking. I wish I could have sang her that song and told her “I’m gonna love you through it”. This upcoming February, I am hoping to be able to run in the Livestrong Half-Marathon. I’ll be running for my aunt. One of the things I can do for her here on earth, before I reunite with her up in heaven <3
It’s been a while since I have actually wrote on here rather than posting a video of some sort. It’s the middle of the last week of classes and suddenly I have all of this ambition. This year has truly been a year of challenges and new experiences. My faith has taken me to so many places I haven’t thought I’ll ever go. Here I am, a few months after the day I moved into my dorm room, and it seems as if I’m living in someone else’s life. I can’t even imagine how I lived a year ago. Surprisingly, a lot has changed but at the same time not much changed. He was truly evident in my life these past few months and I just can’t resist but smile has I reflect on everything that happened. I thank Him for the ups and downs, because that is how I got to where I am right now. Finals just a few days away, but I have so much peace in my heart that I’m not afraid or stressed. Of course, I’m worried whether I’ll do well but all I can do is do my best, right? He will take care of everything and I’ll trust Him with whatever the outcome may be. It is barely the end of my freshman year in college but there is so much I want do before I walk across that stage. I want to write enough poems to have my own chapbook, I want to get into a Poetry Slam team, I want to win a Poetry Slam, I want to write a novel, I want to jump out of a plane, I want to get into med school regardless of whoever questions my abilities to do so and I’m not going to lie but I want to meet the person God has planned for me, to experience a Christ centered relationship. So much excitement for what He has in stored for me, and recently I discovered something I hadn’t notice before and that was passion. I’m starting to feel passionate in pursuing my dreams, my goals. The few randoms thoughts floating through my head right now.
Hi, my name is Kim Vu And I’m going to tell you a little story That maybe you could relate to
I was born and raised in Texas Where we have tacos for breakfast We go grocery shopping at H.E.B. And we drink ice cold sweet tea Of course I can’t forget that sometimes we like to believe we’re our own country While the rest of the world thinks that’s pretty funny
Well I have a mom, a dad and a brother But the thought of us being a family sometimes makes me shudder Let me backtrack a few years So the story can be a bit more clear My mom is the middle child in a Chinese family with ten kids Lets just say she kinda felt like just a number And with this thought she started to develop this constant hunger My father, a rebellious boy he was Traveled the deep seas So he could finally be free But unknowingly he became a slave to Satan’s army My parents got married in 91 Then a year later they got their first son I came along in 94 And that was the start of my war
For as long as I can remember I kept searching for an answer As a ten year old, life was suppose to be easy I mean how hard could elementary be Honestly you could be quite carefree But that just wasn’t the life chosen for me Not even to the slightest degree Each day at home felt like I was in the center of a battlefield And through all the wounds, I never fully healed Words of anger would fire across the room A hatred that fully consume Arms and legs attacking one another As all sense became smothered Without a thought in mind My mother truly became blind She couldn’t see the purpose of life And kept trying to end it with a knife Being led by the works of evil My dad’s spoken words became lethal An overwhelming force started to compel me To take on the responsibility of being the referee I’m not sure at what point I decided to take on this greater role To think that I alone could keep my family whole The numerous attempts I took to stand in between That slowly it just became a routine Then one day the anger I had inside Greatly intensified Until I decided that He was disqualified And didn’t deserve to be glorified I wanted someone to take the blame For all the pain that’s attached to my name I became filled with disgust To think He could possibly be just All I was able to do was constantly wonder why Why me? Why this? Why now? I looked up to the heavens asking if you’re such a mighty God why is there so much suffering?
And in that moment of frustration I heard His voice roar through the nations "I’m here dear I have been standing right by side every day of the year “ But I questioned if that was true Seeing that I have been doing all of this alone without you Yet he responds,” Sweetie, you’re simply human Do you really believe these are all your doings? “ Realizing here is the king Who is in charge of everything Yet I tried to take control To be the owner of my soul But it wasn’t me who paid the price It was Him who made the sacrifice To save me from being lost He suffered a personal cost For His love has no ends Even if I try to pretend That my strength carried me through It was truly Him who came to my rescue
The veil was lifted from my eyes Revealing all of Satan’s lies All the times I felt abandoned The ache in His heart deepened For it was me who built up the walls And couldn’t hear his calls But He never chose to forget or became upset He waited patiently Until I returned faithfully I gave Him back His throne Knowing that He will take care of me to my every bone This life I once knew Was about to be renew I will cease to exist in my old nature For He has arranged something greater Taking my final breath As I accept my death Without any hesitation He made me into a new creation Understanding that this is the ultimate key